Feeling invisible

        I woke up this morning feeling invisible. As an introvert that happens to me from time to time. I was feeling like no one saw me. As if I had no value and there was no one interested in interacting with me. I began to wonder how an introvert like myself could build a tribe that would help rid me of the feeling of invisibility. Frankly I have no idea how to go about that. I was feeling a bit low when the phone rang. (I'm sitting at my desk at work as all these thoughts are running through my head) I spoke to the person for just a few minutes but it was a friendly conversation and I hung up the phone smiling. It was then that I realized that for me all I need is a few moments of being seen. A few moments of interaction with another person. I don't need a packed schedule or a busy social calendar. Just a few moments from time to time. What do you do when you feel invisible?

Birthday Gifts

     I've been Art Journaling for about two years now. I have discovered through doing the art and the journaling that I have some dreams and goals I want to achieve. I want to write and dig deep and learn about myself. So since I have a birthday coming up in a few says I thought I would gift myself two courses that would help me get there.

The first is "Dreamers with Intention" run by the lovely ladies at the Secret Rebel Club. These women are honest, fearless, and awesome. I so want to be them when I grow up. Hoping this course will gently push me in the direction of being a bit of a rebel. 

The second gift to myself is this course by Brene Brown. It encompasses art journaling with working thorough Brene Brown's book "The Gift of Imperfection". This is a 6 week course that begins on October 20, 2013.




http://www.oprah.com/own-brene-brown-course/lifeclass-presents-brene-brown-landing.html#explore

Where I've been

   Hello there. I'm still here. I had a bit of a setback and couldn't blog for a bit. Inserted in this post should be a picture of my right hand bandaged almost to the elbow. But Blogger is not cooperating and I didn't want to wait any longer to get this post up. I have tendinitis in my right hand along my thumb and forefinger. It was quite painful for awhile and being right handed it made doing even basic things very difficult.
   A curious thing happened while my hand was bandaged. I found myself unable to do certain things and then used that as an excuse to do nothing. Didn't matter if it was something that involved using my right hand or not. I stopped taking my evening walks. I didn't blog. I spent a good week or so just being a vegetable. Watching tv and surfing the net. I don't know if I needed that time to just sit and not think or do anything. I can tell you now that I'm done with that. I have things I want to accomplish and even though my hand isn't totally back to 100% it's time to get moving.
 So I'm back and hope to have another post with pictures if Blogger lets me up in the next few days.

Pushing past Fear

    I have been slowly doing the work of pushing past my fears. Creating this blog was a major breakthrough for me. I was scared of what people would think of me. I was scared I would freeze up and have nothing to say. I was scared no one would read this. Once I started taking small steps to getting this blog up and running I realized that I was really doing this for me. I want to write and have pushed this dream of mine away for years and years. I "write" all the time in my head. I can't tell you the number of posts I could have written had I not let the fear stop me. No more of that. I will write in spite of the fear. I can't let a feeling stop me from acting. I wish it hadn't taken me so long to get to this place but now that I'm here I won't let anything stop me. 
   If there is something you've always wanted to do or try......go for it. Pushing past fear is so much easier than living with the "what ifs". 

7 months later

I created this journal page 7 months ago during an art journal class. You were supposed to write about something you wanted to do but were scared to try. I wanted to start my own blog. At that point it was just an idea swirling around in  my head. I wanted to write about things I was thinking about and enjoying. But I was scared. Still am a little but I think that's normal when you try something new and it's something that's out there for anyone to see. It's taken me seven months and support from a really good friend to get this blog off the ground. I'm really happy that I did this in spite of the fear. It has me wondering what else I can accomplish when I push through the fear to the good feelings accomplishing  a dream or a goal can gives me. Hmmm.....I guess I have my next post idea. 

Found Poetry

     I'm taking an Art Journaling class on Tuesday nights. Last Tuesday one of the activities was Found Poetry. You take a page of text from a book, magazine or even the newspaper and pull out words or phrases that jump out at you or that strike a chord for whatever reason. You don't over think it and just choose the words. I wanted to share my found poetry. The book used was Sue Monk Kidds' First Light.

still secretly working on it

suggested we take turns reading

suddenly something unexpected happened to me

the sight nearly wiped me out

The divine,

unnameable spark

      This poem reflects how I feel deciding to start this blog. 

The beginning

         I've wanted to start a blog for years. I kept putting it off because I didn't think I had anything to say or that anyone would want to read what I wrote. I realize now that I need to do this for me. It doesn't matter who does or doesn't read it. I want to write about my struggles with weight and getting my life back on track. I want to write about the things I love and the things I dream about. This is my time and this blog is for me. A chance to quietly shout out all the things I've been holding inside.