Yesterday evening I ventured out into the cold and rainy night to go and listen to
Nadia Bolz-Weber speak at the downtown theater. I arrived early in fear of not getting a parking spot and found one just past the theater. There was a line of people waiting under the awning for the doors to open. I waited in my car until the line started moving. While I was waiting I received two messages letting me know that people I had invited to come with me were not able to. Had this been a year ago I would have backed my car out of the parking spot and gone home. No way would I have gone in alone. My desire to hear what Nadia had to say was greater then the anxiety that was filling my chest.
I walk into the theater and head to the nearest bathroom. I take a deep breath and tell myself I can do this and I will be okay. I walk back out into the crowd and there is a sign that tells people if they don't have a ticket to stand there. I happen to have an extra ticket and gave it to one of the ladies that was waiting in hopes of getting one. I got in line to have my ticket scanned so I could enter the auditorium. A short thin woman with a big smile and an awesome corduroy trench coat was greeting people. All of a sudden she is standing next to me and says "hi" and gives me the biggest tightest hug. I thought maybe she had mistaken me for someone else. I don't know. She hugged me and walked away. She'll never know who much that hug meant to me. It was just the encouragement I needed.
I find a seat in the back and wait for Nadia to come out. She walks out onto the stage. Tall, tattooed and with short sorta spiky hair. She lets us know that she'll be reading a chapter from her book, taking questions, reading from new work, and taking questions again. Listening to her speak I knew I wanted to go out and read everything she's written. She is funny, curses without apology, and speaks the truth. She spoke about getting sober, her church in Denver, and about grace. I don't remember the details but she told a story about confessing all of her sins and about the person who heard them telling her all that was in the past. I remember feeling this sense of forgiveness and silently whispered "Thank you".
I walked out right at the end before Nadia began signing books. I got in my car and cranked up the heat. I get a text message from my sister saying she is proud of me for doing something outside of my comfort zone. My sister knows how anxious and nervous I get around a crowd of people. I drove home and the anxiety slowly melted away and was replaced with gratitude. Stepping out of one's comfort zone is so hard but often so worth it.
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